Some Things I Keep Thinking About

• AIDS and sex ed in the early 1990s
  
• the score for Midsommar, the score for There Will Be Blood, Penderecki, and Wagner 
  
• what loneliness is 
  
• whether I should write a novel (again) and/or look for an agent (again) after several years' break from both 
  
• ritual and totem 
  
• desperation for fiefdom in situations of mortal stress (The Last of Us II) 
  
• unread books in my home 
  
• mail carriers 
  
• the particular feeling of not wanting to absorb new art by a favorite artist, for fear of something: maybe disillusionment, maybe using up all the possible new art by that artist so there is no more, maybe upsetting the status of my expertise 
  
• the personality traits of women in horsedom 
  
• the personality traits of people in teadom 
  
• life choices and trades and bargains and how they play out in extremely unlikely situations, like worldwide pandemics (cf the Fukishima disaster) 
  
• what to do about my work at QMT 
  
• [him] 
  
• reducing movies and books until they are "boring" / reducing stories until they are 1) stranger comes to town 2) someone goes on a journey 3) someone falls in love 
  
• the Mouth of Sauron and the nature of horror vs. torture porn
  
• gore-bucket horror and splosh 
  
• this essay and "giving primacy to the erotics of your own experience" 
  
• whether life experiences during certain historical periods make it simply impossible for two people to see eye to eye 
  
• hunger and its expiration 
  
• whether I am going to be well-known 
  
• whether I am as smart as I think I am 
  
• whether my writing is doing what I think it's doing or I am in fact Brad Pitt in Twelve Monkeys 
  
• [that] (just answer me) 
  
• the role that the phone object plays in our lives, not the phone function 
  
• what Ed Wood wanted 
  
• money spent on smoothies 
  
• my arms 
  
• that fucking tattoo already, what the fuck 
  
• how and when various famous people will die 
  
• whether Twitter-famous people are always ultimately obnoxious (the honeymoon of a Twitter follow) 
  
• threes 
  
• whether other people think this much all the time 
  
• whether people who don't are happier 

by this person