The end of July brought pretty lame news for creatives. An indie game developer, Phil Fish, got tired of taking abuse from various corners and announced that the game he was in the process of creating was going to be cancelled and that he was leaving videogames altogether. The games industry needs developers like Fish (creatively; not perhaps personally), and it's pretty ridiculous that haters drove him out.
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| He really just needed to look at this chart by Ann Friedman (click to embiggen). It makes things so CLEAR. |
This article on the Penny Arcade Report is one of the best I ever expect to read about the ways in which superfluous negative criticism - a.k.a. trolling - subtracts from our lives. The toxicity of trolls feels to me like a kind of cosmic blowback from the no-tolerance-for-bullying thing that's swept American schools for the past few years. We'll just take it to the internet, the bullies bellow; you can't stop us there.
I was bullied a little bit in middle school. The thing I learned from this experience (along with "middle school sucks") is that nothing fucking works. Ignoring them doesn't work, because they escalate. Reporting them doesn't work, because they will find you alone, and they'll escalate until they get your attention. Responding in kind doesn't work, because then you're a jerk too. Plus, they escalate, and you'll both get bloody noses. Making them think usually doesn't work, because people don't bully with their brains. Humiliating them from your place on the high road is pretty much the only thing I know that works, and hoo mama is it tricky.
Two bookstore employees hanging around in the aisle made fun of me for wearing a shirt that looked like a referee's. Actually made fun of me, exactly the way you'd make fun of your little sister for a stupid-looking ponytail if you were ten. I was so amazed that this was possible in adult life that I muttered "thank you" several times (??) and got the fuck out of there. This still bothers me from time to time, not because they hurt my feelings and made me stop wearing that shirt forever after, but because it seemed so colossally dumb and bizarre to ridicule a grown woman, a stranger, for her clothing. What the hell were they thinking? Why??
Matt has tried to explain to me that trolls have a different thought process than you and me. That "why" doesn't really enter into it. That all they want is a reaction, any kind of reaction. Returning their abuse, killing them with kindness, and deletion all offer them satisfaction. Because each shows that you wasted a thought on them. Leaving aside how little I understand this, I find it pretty pathetic. Like Honey Boo Boo. A desperation for attention so all-devouring that it lowers every one of us into the muck.
On my last morning at Esalen, I had breakfast with a couple of ladies I hadn't talked to much before. One of them was around my age and the other was around my mom's age. I don't remember how it came into conversation, but I said that I didn't know how much of my motivation to write well and succeed should come from "I'll show 'em all." The woman my age nodded fervently, clearly grokking it even without what I was about to say, the explanation I was about to give: there are so many people I've encountered whom I want to look defiantly in the eye when I shake hands with an agent, or pick up the Sharpie to sign yet another book, or accept my National Book Award (and while I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony). So many people I think of when I write a really fine sentence and think See, fuck you, I'm worthwhile, and you'll be sorry you crossed me.
But even before I said any of that, the woman my mom's age said "Not even one bit of it. Don't waste your energy on showing anybody. People you have to show aren't worth a moment of effort."
She said it with such conviction. I'd heard this message before, but hadn't heeded it, as it's always seemed a bit like communism. A nice principle, but not one that is applicable in the petty, muddy, bloodily competitive human life I generally lead. Rugby on a rainy day doesn't coax the finest, highest thoughts out of most players. I've been using "I'll show 'em all" to motivate me from time to time, because I figure that at least it's something to motivate me, rather than just muddling about and hoping for the best. But the woman seemed to speak from experience. And the idea of showing 'em all does leave me kind of empty at the end of the day.
Of course, there's stuff like this (NSFW, but a must-watch):
I think "Thank You, Hater!" is a one-off, and taking this amount of time and energy to respond to trolls is really not a good idea on a regular basis. But oh, is it ever satisfying to watch.
Speaking of satisfying, if you ask me, Parker/Stone are kind of the last word on this whole question of what to do about people who tear you down for no apparent reason - bullies, haters, trolls, lesser rappers. This whole episode from season 16, "Butterballs," is worth watching for its insight on bullying, but this bit, at the end, is one of those moments that sticks after the satire fades.
If only Phil Fish could have seen this and taken it to heart before he gave up on his endeavors. Before he let them win.
9 comments:
OMG. There are a few things in life that I carry a torch for...the eradication of litter, the eradication of pharmaceutical advertising, and the eradication of internet bully-trolls! OMG I have never seen the Thank You Haters bit, but I picture them EXACTLY like that jacking-off monkey...always have. And the Night Grandma bit by Butters Stotch...I hadn't seen that one either but it's PERFECT. JUST PERFECT. Thank you. This made my day.
So I've been thinking a lot about internet comments and how the casual nature of the comment is so at odds with the dramatic nature of the words themselves. Recently, someone wrote or said that "kids these days" (which to me really just means "people on the internet") are so used to the idea that internet comments are meaningless/harmless/toothless that they don't ascribe the actual meaning of the words they are using to the comments they make. They don't see rape threats as being actual threats of any sort. Similarly with racist comments, threats of violence, etc, they simply grab the most provocative words they can find in the hopes that their comment will be responded to, since that's the only way to be validated on the internet. It's like they have divorced the words they are using from their actual meaning, used instead merely as exclamation marks. Almost like a child finding out that doing a thing will make the parents look and pay attention to them...so they keep doing it over and over again, but the actual action itself doesn't matter to them.
@Maleesha, thanks. Glad it hit the spot.
@Matt, I agree with you that internet threats have eroded in meaning over the years. As you pointed out offline, it's essentially the same phenomenon as the meanings of "sucks" and "wanker" and "douche" getting more and more distance from their literal counterparts as years of slang usage pile up on them. But aren't death/rape threats a different, more problematic ball of wax than "sucks"?
Sorry, posted above incorrectly...
I'd like to think that they are different. But I'm not as sure about that as I once was. We may just be part of a generational vocabulary adjustment that stings particularly harsh to us. Something something about having such divergent expectations of the world and interaction now compared to previous times (boomers -> people who had internet in late teens/college age -> people who have only ever known the internet) and how that changes the value of word meaning vs context...something...
Perhaps you should study more neuroscience, because all of your posts seems to be one big rationalization for why you have yet to attain any level of professional success. You can blame whoever you want, but the bottom line is you are not a successful writer. Your ideas are not marketable, you have no comprehension of the power a good agent can be, and you simply work too hard to protect your ego with worthless posts and time that could be used to truly write. Bottom line, you are normal, like 99% of the human population. Accept it. Stop trying tp prove to yourself, your mommy or dandy that you are special because clearly (noting your lack of success) you are not. You'll be so much happier. Then again, you could keep posting asinine commentaries that stem from zero professional experience and yet delusionally still clam to be a professional. Or you could simply do what you truly need to do and join the rest of the world and accept your deserved place of mediocrity in society. That said, I bet you continue to fight the hopeless fight. Best of luck...
Good advice, be yourself and don't worry about negative from others. Stay true to yourself.
Anonymous - I absolutely LOVE how your contribution to the comment here so perfectly illustrates the author's point. Incredible comment! Perfectly captures the theme of the post. I do hope you continue to come here and comment. It just adds so much. So much.
Hahahah. I used to have this same fantasy, only over acting. Like, when someone was mean to me or pissed me of, I would just imagine how bad they would feel when I won my Academy Award. I don't have it with writing so much -- though I have a feeling that if I ever do get my MFA, someone will piss me off enough to give me this feeling.
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