So I Got a Flyer from Time Warner the Other Day

Oh good. Probably trying to sell me more services when we're already overpaying for services we don't need and don't want.

Hey wow! That's so awesome to read!

This apology could be for any number of things about your terrible service: the aforementioned overpricedness, your super-slow TV menus, the way your internet service hiccups at least once an hour, the way those hiccups turn into actual breaks several times a week, the way you raise your monthly fees without notice or logic...I can't wait to see what exactly you choose to apologize for.

WHAT??

I didn't even watch the Super Bowl!

This is what your long-overdue, well-warranted apology is for? The goddamn Super Bowl?!

I don't care!

At all! 

Hmph. Well, what else you got?

Good gracious. What an amazingly generous offer.

I pay you $120 a month for hundreds of channels I don't need. You screw up during the biggest TV event of the American year (that I didn't watch) and you offer me free access (in a limited time frame) to a tiny sliver of a service that I don't need or use, what with my access to Netflix and Amazon Prime, other services I pay for along with yours. (Not that you knew that...but I have never ordered a movie on demand before, ever, and since you're my cable company, you would probably know that.)

Well-done, Time Warner. Your incompetence has reached Wile E. Coyote levels.